│A Loner's Path│Book One│Amber Flames│

Last edited by Goldstar on Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:11 am; edited 26 times in total

Banner removed for pure ugliness until I draw something better

WELCOME TO MY STORY

I'm going to write a story about a loner and her way of life. This will not be posted on WI, because violence is against the rules. It's a bit graphic, but not any more than the series by Erin Hunter.
If you comment, I'd rather not see "OMG I HATE IT!" but I'd love to see critiques and helpful criticism.
Enjoy!

VM List-
Frostlily

Spoiler:

Rootstar

Spoiler:

Fawnpaw

Spoiler:

Meadoweh

Spoiler:

[I can VM on here as well as on WI, if you'd like, just tell me which one you'd prefer, or if you'd like both.]

CHARACTERS-
Amber- long-furred red-brown she-cat with vibrant amber eyes, plumy tail.
Smoke- long-furred pale grey tom with amber eyes
Frost- White-and-grey she-cat with light blue eyes
River- short-furred tom, back fur with white markings, deep green eyes

CHAPTER 1
"Amber!" my brother, Smoke, squeals. "Catch!" Tail waving in excitement, I leap up bat the scrap of moss to the ground. Reaching up on two paws, I fling the moss back to Smoke. My mother, Frost, watches us, her light blue eyes sparkling with affection. Glancing back to Smoke, I see him catch the moss in his teeth. He bats it back toward me, and the game continues.

I notice my mother padding toward us. "Amber, Smoke, I'm going hunting. Stay here," she continues, motioning around the clearing with her tail, "and don't get into trouble." flicking her tail, she vanishes into the trees. When I'm sure she's gone, I turn to my littermate. "Smoke, let's explore!" my tail quivers in anticipation when I see my excitement reflected in Smoke's eyes.

Soon, he and I are scampering through the forest, the pale sunlight slanting through the trees. Smoke carries the moss scrap in his teeth. Suddenly, we come across a foul-scenting stretch of hard, black stone. Smoke prods it with a small grey paw. Drawing it back, he turned to me. "Dare you to put all four paws on it!" he challenges. Scampering onto the hard stone, I leap back. "You didn't tell me it was so hot!" I complain, licking my paws.

Smoke lets out a purr of amusement. Spitting the moss out onto the ground, he nudges it towards me. "Let's play!" he mews. Batting the scrap with my paw, it soars over my brother's head and lands on the black stone. Smoke scampers onto the hot stone after the moss. My fur pricked in alarm when I hear a loud roar in the distance, like the lions in the stories that Frost tells us. Somehow, this one bothers me.

As I listen, the roaring gets louder. "Smoke... I think you should get back." I mew, trying not to let my desperation show. The roaring is all around us now. Just to be difficult, Smoke strays farther onto the hard stone with an amused expression, oblivious to the danger. The roaring fills the air, and I see a sleek red shape advancing towards us faster than any cat could run. "Smoke!" I yowl.

Terror flashes in my brother's eyes. "Smoke, come here!" I squeal desperately. Smoke is rooted to the smooth stone, his pale grey pelt bristling. I prepare to leap onto the stone to get my brother when I see the enormous, shining creature just heartbeats away. I wouldn't be able to retrieve Smoke in time.

I hold onto the hope that the creature would avoid my littermate, or stop running altogether. Moments later, the awful red beast is in front of me. "Smoke!" I cry. The creature has moved on and is now little more than a speck in the other direction. I don't see my brother anywhere.

"Smoke?" I whisper, looking around. My eyes settle on a pale, unmoving shape. I race over. Looking down on my brother, I can't detect any movement from him. I prod him with one front paw, half-expecting him to get up and shake the gritty pebbles from his pelt. "Smoke, please wake up." I whimper, fear rising my voice. In my heart, I know that Smoke is dead, that I will never hear his voice again, that we'll never play another game, that we'll never listen to Frost's stories again.

Frost! What will my mother think? This was all my fault, all mine. How could I admit what I'd done? Dragging Smoke's lifeless body off of the black stone, I bury my nose into his still-warm fur. "Smoke," I whisper, my mew filled with sadness and guilt. "What will I do without you?" Covering his lifeless body with a clump of tall grass, I turn and pad away through the trees. Where could I go? I couldn't return to my mother, not after what I'd done. Without looking back, I pick up my pace and race away into the forest.

CHAPTER 2
Before I know it, the sun is setting through the trees. I force my small paws to keep moving, tiredness dragging every step, to find shelter before night falls. Just as the sun disappears behind the horizon, I discover a small hole in the ground. Squeezing my way in, the short tunnel opens up to a tight area, more than wide enough for me to turn around without my fur brushing the dirt walls. I realize that this must be an abandoned rabbit burrow.

Curling my tail tightly around my body, I close my eyes and try to sink into sleep. But blackness doesn't come. I can't stop thinking about my dead littermate and how frantic my mother must be. Guilt and sadness fill my heart. I must have fallen asleep sometime in the night, though, because when I blink open my eyes I see light streaming through the tunnel where I came in.

Was that the tunnel I came through? I see several other tunnels leading in all directions. I realize that I have no idea what direction I came in through. Worry creeps in. I decide to follow the tunnel where the light is coming through, because the light has to be coming from somewhere. The tunnel takes me to another large room like the one I slept in, and I see where the light is coming from.

Instead of a slope leading to the air, there's a hole in the top of the room. I try scrabbling up to it, but it's no use. I can't reach the light. Padding back through the tunnel that lead me there, I try another tunnel. This one is a dead end, like I suspected. I go back to select a different path. I notice that one is larger than the others in diameter, and I pad easily through it.

The tunnel yawns even wider, much more wide than the room that I slept in. Eventually, the tunnel ends, and several other large ones branch away from it. I yowl in despair. I feel as though the darkness is closing in on me. I am hopelessly lost. Realizing that the best thing to do is pick another tunnel, I try to decide which one to enter. Suddenly, I hear rustling coming from one tunnel.

I am frozen in my tracks. Could it be a fox, or a weasel? Maybe a badger? Soon I see a dark shape in front of me, obscured by the shadows. Letting out a whimper, I press against the dirt walls. I see green eyes shining in the darkness. "Come on, I know the way out!" my fur lies flat as I realize the voice belongs to a cat. I follow it's pawsteps into one of the tunnels. I know I should be wary, but this cat is my only hope to get out.

I feel the tunnel sloping up, and I notice light ahead of me. My paws carry me forward, toward the light. I can see the other cat now. "Almost there!" the cat calls encouragingly. Soon, we're under the open sky. I've never been so happy to feel grass underneath my paws. "Thank you." I breath gratefully to the cat who saved me.

The cat turns to me. "No problem." He mewed. I look closer at him. He looks a bit older than me, maybe ten moons, his short black-and-white fur already sleek. "My name's River." he says. Looking at me, he mews, "do you have a name?" My pelt hot with embarrassment, I look at my paws. "My name's Amber." I mutter. His green eyes shine with amusement. "Well, Amber, it's a good thing I found you in those tunnels." he mews.

My eyes flash with indignation. "I could have found my own way out!" I snap. Even though I know I'm wrong, his arrogant attitude annoys me. Hurt flashes in River's emerald eyes, and I immediately feel guilty. "Sorry." I mutter. River nods. "What are you doing alone?" he asks. I tell him about Smoke. "I'm so sorry." River murmurs. I just look at him, afraid that my mew would shake if I replied.

Soon, River leaves, and I am left alone once again. Looking around, I wonder where to go. I decide that I don't need to travel today, and set to work building a potential den. After digging a shallow hollow under a large rock, I look around for moss and bracken to fix myself a nest. None are anywhere to be found. I crouch on the bare earth, reflecting on everything that's happened in the past day.

CHAPTER 3
After my short doze, I wake up to sharp hunger pains in my belly. I realize that I'll have to do something I've been dreading since I left; hunt. I hadn't yet learned to hunt, and I had never watched Frost catch prey. My eyes closed in thought, I continue walking through the forest, worry pricking at my paws. I won't be able to survive without fresh-kill.

I hear rustling in the bracken a few fox-lengths ahead. Fear courses through me and I prepare to run. I turn, and River's scent wafts towards me. I realize that it's only him. He must live closer than I thought. Something tells me to stay hidden, so I peer through the bracken. River is crouched, tail still, just tail-lengths away from where I'm hidden. A vole is rummaging under a leaf ahead of him. River's gaze is locked on the creature.

As I watch, River's nose twitches, and amusement flashes in his green eyes. Dramatically he crouches lower, and leaps high into the air, claws unsheathed. Landing with the vole between his paws, he nips it's neck. The creature is dead. River drops the small body. Turning towards my hiding place, he calls, "Amber, you can try it this time."

I bristle my fur in shock. How did he know I was there? I creep out of the bracken, looking at my paws. Purring, River mews, "You were upwind of me. Although I couldn't see you, I could smell you. That's important when hunting-- always stay downwind of the prey. It won't scent you that way."

I take in every word, my eyes wide. "You weren't making a sound! That vole didn't her you at all!" I mewl. "How can you do that?" River's eyes gleam with laughter. "If you make that much noise, Amber," he teases, "everything around here will hear you!" Lashing my tail, I mutter, "Sorry, but how do you keep quiet while walking?"

"It's called the hunter's crouch." River mews loftily, obviously pleased to know more than another cat. "You have to place your paws lightly over the ground, and make sure your tail is still. That way, it won't rustle any grass or bracken." As I nod, my belly rumbles. Understanding, River drops the vole at my paws.

"Here, eat this." he mews. "Soon you'll be able to catch your own, and I can always catch another." blinking gratefully at River, I crouch to eat the vole. As I see River watching, I push the rest of the vole towards him. "Would you like some?" I ask, my mouth full. "It's all yours." River replies, and I finish the prey. "Let's teach you to hunt." he mews once I'm ready.

Soon, I've mastered the hunter's crouch, and River provides helpful hunting tips. Scenting the air, I detect a fresh rabbit scent. Glancing at River, he nods and motions with his tail towards a small brown rabbit hopping slowly through some seeds scattered on the ground. Trembling with excitement, I crouch. Too late, I realize that my tail is lashing. I quickly steady it, but it has already brushed against some tall grass.

To my relief, the rabbit only looks around warily before returning to the seeds. Crouching, I slowly pull myself across the ground. When I'm close enough to the rabbit I dart forward. Suddenly, my head hits something hard with a sharp noise, and I fall backward, dazed. The rabbit scampers away through the trees.

Shame dragging at my paws, I turn back to River. He's gone. I see him tearing away through the woods after the rabbit. Turning to the thing I hit my head on, I notice that it looks a bit like a silver tree. Glancing up, I see a small box attached to the top, not branches and leaves. The scent of the seeds wafts through a small hole in the box, and I realize that the seeds must have come from the box.

River pads up, the brown body of the rabbit dangling in his jaws. "Sorry that I didn't catch it." I mutter. "It doesn't matter. We can share." River mews. After finishing the rabbit,I ask River a question. "What do you think that is? I motion the the seed-box with my tail. Glancing at it, River replies, "Probably some Twoleg thing. This part of the woods isn't far from their dens."

Frost had told Smoke and I about Twolegs. They weren't dangerous, but best steered clear of. Watching the sun set, I look at River. "I should get back to my den now." I tell him, turning away. River stops me. "You can share my den, if you'd like." he offered. "There's plenty of room." My eyes filling with gratitude, I purr. "I can? Really? Thanks, River!" I follow him through the woods.

:O
CLIFFHANGER NOOOO
It's awesome, Goldy!! I cam't wait to hear more. :3

I'm sorry that I stopped in the middle of the prologue, I had to go. I'll finish soon. xD

Oh, it's fine. xD it's still great. :clap:

Aw, thanks, Frosteh! That's so nice of you, I explode when people compliment me because I never think highly of myself. xD

Finished the prologue! I added a few more paragraphs.

Awesome Goldstar! Smile

Thanks, Tornadostorm!

I almost cried when I read the prologue. :')
This is an awesome story, Goldy : D

Oh, I just noticed the VM list. Add me, plz!! :D

Aw, thanks, Frosty! I love making people cry. >B)
LOL, jk, but I try to make my writing have emotion in it, lol

That's a great story! I can't wait for the next bit! Put me on the VM list, please.

Thanks, Rootstar!

VM LIST PLEASE! :D

Added! x3

I might add another chapter today. C:

VM list please! great story

Thanks! I'll likely update tomorrow.

Chapter two is up! : D

Awesome Goldy!!

Thanks! : D

Chatpter 2 looks great! Keep up the great story-writing Goldy!

Thank you so much, Rootstar!
I was in a bit of a hurry to finish chappie two before it got too long, I might move a paragraph or two to chapter three when I make it, so I can add to that section. C:

Hmm...
I like this! It's nicely written, though maybe some more emotion from the protagonist? Just a suggestion. :3

Thanks for the tips! It's hard to edit on my iPod, but I will later.

EEEP I'm dying inside

» The Clones: Intro (my book i am currently writing)
» Favorite book?
» Breezepelt's Path [Breezepelt fanfiction, post-The Last Hope]
» Favorite book cover?
» Barilinium: Book One: The Beginning