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 Choose the Prolouge

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5 posters

Which one?
Original Prologue
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 0% [ 0 ]
Alternate Prologue
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 100% [ 5 ]
Neither
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Total Votes : 5
 

AuthorMessage
Dapplestar
StarClan
Dapplestar


Posts : 444
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 27
Location : Florida

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptyMon Jul 02, 2012 4:57 pm

This is for a story about ShadowClan and RiverClan's alliance, but told from the perspective of Leopardstar, who had a crush on Tigerstar at first, (according to an Erin Hunger Q&A).

- Original Prologue -
I wrote this one more Erin Hunter-Style, so the focus was more keeping it entertaining than the writing quality, it's also a bit more targeted for younger ages
Spoiler:

- Alternate Prologue -
This one was written more how I usually write, and it's more targeted for Teen - YA
Spoiler:

For some reason the forum doesn't like me indenting paragraphs... trying to fix that.
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Pebblestream
Deputy
Pebblestream


Posts : 276
Join date : 2012-06-27
Location : Wouldn't you like to know

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptyTue Jul 03, 2012 12:07 pm

I would put up both - I like how they each tell one side of the story. (:
If I had to choose one though, I'd want you to put up the alternate prologue.
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Dapplestar
StarClan
Dapplestar


Posts : 444
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 27
Location : Florida

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptyTue Jul 03, 2012 6:46 pm

Yeah, I'm really not a fan of SC, I think I like the new one better than the original.
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Potatofrost
Warrior
Potatofrost


Posts : 273
Join date : 2012-06-27
Age : 26

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptyWed Jul 04, 2012 11:58 am

I like the second one
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Rootstar
StarClan
Rootstar


Posts : 308
Join date : 2012-06-27
Age : 25
Location : Somewhere over the rainbow

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptySun Jul 08, 2012 10:49 am

The alternate one sounds a bit better
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Zelda Hyrule
StarClan
Zelda Hyrule


Posts : 1086
Join date : 2012-07-01
Age : 27
Location : Around the World.

Choose the Prolouge Empty
PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge EmptyFri Jul 20, 2012 1:08 am

Here's some constructive criticism.

The first one kind of got to the point way too early, and kind of could be counted as a short story in and of itself. [It's called a one-shot when that happens.]

The second one created mystery, drew me in a lot more than the first one did, and got me motivated to read more to find out what would happen.

Just saying, and post the second one~
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PostSubject: Re: Choose the Prolouge   Choose the Prolouge Empty

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